Pen(itentiary) Pals, or If You Give a Psycho A Pen
by PumpkinPrincessJac
Summary: "The pen is mightier than the sword"...especially when it comes to opening proverbial floodgates. Arkham Asylum has got a new therapy treatment for six of the most dangerous inmates on hand, one that has them exchanging letters with anonymous Gothamites. However, is something else going on? Will more than ink be smeared? Whose idea was this, anyway? RATING SUBJECT TO CHANGE
1. PROLOGUE

**Due to the success this story has found on Deviantart, and since I haven't uploaded on my other story for over a year, I figured I ought to give my older fans SOMETHING to look at.**

**I've already written up to Chapter Five, but I'm spacing the uploads for them so you all have a chance to read them. If you want to view them ahead of time, just visit my deiviantart page **

**All Batman characters belong to DC Comics**

**Batman created by Bob Kane (THANK YOU!)**

**Beta-Read by ****Lady Black Mage**

* * *

Arkham staff members are at their worst when it storms.

This had been proven time and time again in the long-running facility. Patients would scream and thrash at the sound of thunder while lightning would cause the lights to flicker. Not to mention that stormy nights are a time where breakouts and escapes were most frequent. Add that to the over-worked and underpaid manner in which staff was treated, and one truth rings out. When it storms at Arkham, it drags it down to the next circle of Hell.

Perhaps this was why Dr. Bartholomew was so surprised when a knock came at the front door on this stormy January night. The sandy-haired middle-aged man approached the nearby front desk, asking the guard there to check the surveillance screen that showed the outside of the building to see who was there. After some zoom adjusting, the guard gave his answer.

"FedLex. What the hell are they doing here at almost three in the morning? In the rain, too?" The burly younger man asked to the psychiatrist, who was smoothing out his combed back locks nervously.

"I haven't the foggiest, but it must be urgent if they're willing to brave this storm." Bartholomew remarked, cautiously approaching the door and pulling it open by the satin nickel handle. The plump brunette woman on the other side was scowling, rain drops falling down the brim of her brown baseball cap as she spoke in a gruff voice.

"Package for Warden Sharp." She stated, pushing the small but bulky cardboard box into Bartholomew's hands as he felt himself breathe a sigh of relief. Thanking the woman with a nod of his square head, Bartholomew signed off on the paper given before walking back inside. He began heading up the stairs to the office of Warden Quincy Sharp, the steps creaking until he reached the top and made his way down the hall. Hiis only company during the trek was the storm brewing outside.

{}

Warden Sharp was quietly shifting through the papers on his desk, the lamp next to him flicking at the sight of another lightning strike. The aging man jumped slightly at the knock on his door, tiredly groaning as he stated "Enter."

Bartholomew opened the door with the package tucked under her arm, giving the Warden an uneasy smile as he stated "Morning, Doctor."

"Don't attempt humor this early in the morning, Doctor. Or is that the only reason you're in here?" The pompous Warden asked the doctor, who sighed as he shook his head

"No. This was just dropped off for you. The rain might have seeped in a little, however." The sandy-haired doctor replied, handing the "plump novel" sized package over as Sharp retrieved a letter opener to cut the tape holding the box closed. Using the opener on the letter inside, Sharp began reading as Bartholomew began leaving the office.

The doctor wasn't five strides away from the door when it was swung open, surprising the doctor as the warden looked at him with wide eyes and a sweaty brow.

"Call a staff meeting first thing! We've got some work to do." He stated while holding the letter in his hand, a rumbling of thunder adding to the urgency now in the room

* * *

**So, just to be clear, I WILL BE CANON-BLENDING in order for this story to work. It's mainly set in pre-52 comic universe, though.**

**You all probably know of our dear Warden Sharp, but how many of you know where Bartholomew came from? Teehee**

**I'll try to be quicker in my next chapter submission. See you guys soon~**

**Storyline belongs to **


	2. CHAPTER 1: RUCKUS

**If you wish to see the next chapters before they're uploaded, visit my deviantart account TheBrainTeaser**

**All canon Batman characters/images belong to DC Comics**

**Beta-Read by Lady Black Mage AKA Yoruhoshi on Deviantart**

* * *

"... happy face~ Brush off the clouds and cheer up. Put on a happy face! Take off the gloomy mask..."

"Is she still going?" The brunette thirty-something-old man with forest green eyes asked with slight astonishment, adjusting the frameless eyeglasses on his face as he watched a pigtailed blonde skipping to the beat of her song. Somehow, she was making the standard issue gray jumpsuit of patients look fun to be in.

"You're asking as if you expected her to be done by now." A taller and more spindly man at least ten years the other's senior replied without so much as a glance away from the thick novel in his hand. This auburn-haired man's name was Jonathan Crane, otherwise known as 'The Scarecrow'. His current companion was Edward Nigma, alias Riddler. Finally, the subject of conversation was Harleen 'Harley Quinn' Quinzel and her capability of singing the same song on repeat for over an hour. All were currently in the Arkham Recreational Room after a lunch of cheap mashed potatoes and meatloaf. It was nothing gourmet, but to call it slop would be stretching it.

In any case, the two were sitting on one of several couches that littered the spacious room. This was one of the less beaten ones that had no TV or window in front of it, so it was used more sporadically than others. It provided a little more than enough light to read by, so it was ideal for the Prince of Puzzles and Master of Fear. The former spoke after a light shrug.

"Not done, per say, but surely the guards would have ordered her to cease by now. At the very least, 'Puddin'' would have requested it." Edward remarked while writing the next answer to his crossword puzzle. He technically was not supposed to have one, but he pestered the administration to at least give him the one from the newspaper so he wouldn't cause trouble such as sending viruses to the asylums' computers.

Jonathan gave Edward a raised eyebrow at this, replying "What makes you so sure it wasn't him that put her up to it? The two have a penchant for trying to aggravate the staff."

"Because even the loudest of men can only handle so much noise." Was the reply, but it hadn't come from Edward.

The turning of two heads revealed a short man of blonde hair and clear blue eyes walking to the couch with a slight hop in his step, his hand up in a polite wave to the other males. This was Jervis Tetch, the self proclaimed 'Mad Hatter' of Gotham City.

"You're late late late for an important date, Tetch. What kept you away?" Edward taunted with a smirk, getting an eyeroll from Jonathan and a chuckle from Jervis.

"Not what. Who. And, if you must know, it was the Queen herself." The mid-thirties man replied, though he realized his mistake of not clarifying which Queen he was referring to.

White, I mean. Although, Red is a bit distracting today, isn't she?" Jervis remarked, gesturing to Harley with a flick of the hand as the word 'Red' left his smiling lips.

Narrowed eyes signaled Edward was suddenly unhappy, putting his pencil behind his ear as he asked Jervis "And how did she have kept you away, Hatter?"

"Words from a conversation most lovely. Such brilliance in that mind, I must say." Was the reply, which might have had more to it if Jonathan hadn't interrupted.

"Oh believe me, Hatter, Caterpillar is well aware of that. Or, he would be if he could say more than a derogatory statement disguised as a riddle to her highness." The older man's sarcastic tone along with the Wonderland nickname didn't go well with Edward, who passed the older man a glare before speaking.

"Well, March Hare, I have nothing else to say to Queen Copy-Cat other than what she deserves to hear. That she is trying to ride my tailcoats because her primitive blob of gray matter can't come up with-"

"-Anything of her own original design, and it sickens me to where I would take a batarang to my servers over watching any more of her stunts. I hope she finds herself before Gotham finds her in the bay." The sound of a female voice finishing his statement made Edward pinch the bridge of his nose in annoyance, the other two men turning to the speaker.

"Are you a mind reader now, ?" Jonathan asked, getting a smirk in response. The woman giving it was a fawn-skinned brunette of average build that had her waist length locks in a fairly neat ponytail that kept the front locks away from her trademark feature; 'Athena' grey eyes that were the size of medium almonds and currently had a spark of amusement.

"Thankfully, no. And if I ever gain that ability, may I forever lose my mind. It's just that, I received an email two nights ago and, call me crazy, but its message was eerily similar to Eddie-boy's monologue just now, identical if you replace a majority of female pronouns with 'you'. Did you get the same email or something?" ' ' replied, an accurate title considering that she had a few years before the age of thirty came upon her.

She got no vocal response from Edward, only a glare over the shoulder before he mouthed something only she saw. Whatever it was, it hit ' ' hard enough to cause a scowl.

Edward didn't normally have this much animosity with his fellow rogues, even if he got on almost all of their nerves. However, ' ' wasn't any other rogue. She was relatively new, having only broken out of Arkham three times and her body count was still under fifty. More important were the following three facts; her alias was 'Brain Teaser', she had a black and green costume, and her weapons of choice were based on items such as Rubix cubes.

In short, she was a younger, genderbent Edward. According to himself, at least.

Having witnessed arguments between the two standing beings before, Jervis wished to not see such a thing again. He tried appealing to the ego of the young woman.

"Now now, your highness, there is no need to fight. This is no game of chess you two play." Jervis stated with an innocent smile, to which he got the young woman to calm down enough to smile arrogantly.

"Oh, I'm not worried about a fight, Hatter. I just had the terrible mental image of Edward Nigma with a look of defeat on his features. I don't think my heart could handle such a pathetic sight." The brunette replied sharply, a certain blonde pausing in her singing to hiss like someone who had gotten burned. In either of the two meanings of the word.

Edward stood up just a bit too quickly at this, the man's nose at level with the woman's forehead as he remarked "Look, Charlotte, is it?"

"Carlotta." Came the correction. It was ignored by Edward continuing to speak.

"I do not have time to put energy on your tantrums when I need 120% of it on my own career. You know, the one that actually produces results." Harley giggled from her position in the room, Jervis and Jonathan sharing a look of 'Here we go again'.

"While ultimately failing at its primary goal. It's more making rubble than results, Eddie." The brunette stated in response, still smirking despite the insult.

"That's another thing. You are not my friend, therefore you have no right to give me these 'pet names'. My name is not Eddie, Eddie-boy, or 'God-forbid' Puzzles. It is Edward Nigma, though you are only fit to call me Master."

"Not until the third date, I'm not." Carlotta replied with a snicker, Harley guffawing off to the side while the tiniest dusting of pink came to Edward's cheeks.

Deciding they didn't want anything to do with the increasingly tense situation, Jervis and Jonathan proceeded to the nearby chess table to play a round or two. Harley and a small gaggle of inmates circled around the argument, the blonde herself not taking sides as she found the battle of wits all around amusing.

{}

The tussle of wits was finally ended when dinner was called, both participants having to be dragged out of the room by guards despite the fight never getting physical.

In the main room of the Iceberg Lounge of Gotham's Diamond District, minutes before it was to open its doors for the night, a rotund and short man in a tuxedo with monocle called out in a Cockney "May! Get ya ass over 'ere!"

It was a few moments before a head of wavy blonde hair looked up and a woman adjusted the green plastic visor on her head, walking over to her boss with a nonchalant expression. Marilyn "May" Markowitz, or "Trick Deck" to the Gotham Underworld, was the bartender and card dealer to Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot, who also went by the Penguin. She was essentially his second-in-command, so him calling her to a private conversation wasn't unusual. She had nothing to fear as far as she knew.

She stood to the left of the man as she spoke "Yeah, what do ya want? We're gonna be open soon, you know."

"Don't think I don't know when my own bloody business opens." He stated with a puff of his newly lit cigar, the smoke going over the map of Gotham that May finally took into account was there.

"What's that for?" She asked, eyebrow raised

"I'm thinking of expanding the 'back-door' business, a' course. It doesn't 'urt to have more than one nest egg to sit on, just in case somethin' 'appens. Just trying to find a good location. Most important part." Penguin replied without looking up from the map, a black marker in hand as May gave a hum of understanding.

"Shouldn't be too hard. Gotham's got more abandoned buildings than Croc's got scales"

Penguin cackled from the joke, though it only lasted before replying "Yeah, but that's not the problem. If I pick the wrong one, I could be starting a war with any of those psychos that want it for a hideout. Got ta narrow the choices down to where that won't 'appen."

May gave the map a closer examination, remarking sarcastically "Then that old fairgrounds ought to be perfect for you."

She was met with a deadpan glare instead of the intended laugh, making May uncomfortably shift on her feet as Penguin went back to scanning the map. He would cross out any 'problem places' with the black marker, going through the map as quickly as he scarfed down a fish.

Distracting herself with the map to feel less awkward, she double-taked at an area that took her interest. Turning to Penguin, she asked "So,...what about that one?"

Penguin followed the pointer finger and took his cigar out of his mouth, blinking a few times as he read the title. He scanned the size of the space as well, making his eyes narrow in thought.

"...I don't know." Penguin remarked, a hand resting his chin as he glanced between his bartender and the district she was showing him.

"Ozzie, baaaaby~ Would I ever steer you wrong?" The dealer cooed with a charming smile, boldly leaning on her boss's shoulder with her elbow keeping her up.

This was met with a quick retreat of the shoulder being rested on and a gruff order "May. Don't fucking touch me. Or call me 'baby'. It's distractin'."

Not wanting to upset her temperamental boss/crush, Mary managed to clearly state a quick but startled 'Yessir' before speed-walking away so she could return to wiping her bar counter.

Penguin sneered a bit before looking back down at the map, uncapping a red marker and circling the place May had pointed out;

Dixon Dock.

* * *

**So yeah, we haven't started the main plot yet technically. Or have we? :giggles:**

**Now, just to remind everyone, I mix canons in this story, so I also mix portrayals. EX- Every picture of Trick Deck and Penguin I've seen has him as B:TAS type. Here, I'm going more along with the Rocksteady videogame version, with some sophisticated jerk-wad mixed in. Be prepared for some weirdness**

**...although, since this is about mental patients getting pen pals, you should have expected that anyway. **

**See you soon, and here's hoping I don't leave you hanging for as long as I did**

**Carlotta Levair/Brain Teaser belongs to PumpkinPrincessJac AKA TheBrainTeaser on deviantart**

**May Markowitz/Trick Deck belongs to embrace-your-inner-dork AKA the-dragon-childe on deviantart**

**Dialogue from "I don't know" to "Yessir" belongs to **

**Beginning sentence belongs to "Put On A Happy Face" from 'Bye Bye Birdie'**


	3. CHAPTER 2: GROUND RULES

**If you wish to see the next chapters before they're uploaded, visit my deviantart account TheBrainTeaser**

**All canon Batman characters/images belong to DC Comics**

**Beta-Read by Lady Black Mage AKA Yoruhoshi on Deviantart**

* * *

"Absolutely not!" A light-skinned woman with short black hair called out at the meeting of prominent Arkham staff members that was happening at the same time of Edward and Carlotta's argument, her black eyes wide in shock from the statement of a stern Warden Sharp. He was proposing that certain Arkham inmates be put into a 'pen pal' system of therapy, where citizens would exchange letters with them. As it was experimental, only six inmates were chosen, but something seemed to set the woman off.

"Dr. Leland, there is no need to shout. We are in the same room as you." The stern official remarked, adjusting the thick-rimmed glasses resting on the bridge of his pointed nose.

This did not deter Dr. Joan Leland's next remark: "And those people must realize how, for lack of a better word, insane this idea is. Especially with the patients you want to do this with."

"Is that so?" The warden replied, glancing around the otherwise silent table before his eyes locked onto one of the doctors.

"Do you agree with Ms. Leland, Dr. Bartholomew? " He asked, the sandy-haired man looking at his fingers before speaking.

"Well...I-I can see some benefits. It's social interactive, so Ms. Quinzel and Mr. Nigma would enjoy it. However, I think it's dangerous to involve anyone else on this list."

"Any particular reason why?" Sharp asked, making Bartholomew give a small cough of unease.

"Tetch has a history of stalking women who are kind to him, so he might envision another Alice. Harvey might allow this, but Two-Face would surely react negatively. And we might put the respondents at risk should Isley or Crane dust their letters in some kind of chemical compound." He continued, Dr. Leland interjecting right after.

"There are innocent lives at risk, Warden. As it were, even if the inmates were on board, who would we get to consent to receiving these letters?" She challenged, the warden producing a stack of stapled papers from his coat pocket.

"I have already procured volunteers, all of which have signed off on the idea and been told not to give any indication of who they are. For the record, there are male volunteers, . And if you are still worried about their safety, I have arranged for the letters coming from inmates to be sent to the same address, so the participants cannot be followed to their homes. The writers will sign their letters with given pseudonyms and all records on who they are will be kept with an anonymous source." Sharp replied, putting the papers back in his pocket before turning to those seated at the table.

"Any more oppositions? Remind yourselves, before you say anything, that this is only experimental. If things don't work out as intended, that is where everything ends and all civilians who participate will have their information returned to them."

There was a collective of muttering among the staff as Leland and Sharp continued to stare each other down, Dr. Bartholomew finally standing to speak his remark, "I believe that's a no, sir."

"Excellent. You shall be informing the inmates in tomorrow's group therapy, Dr. Leland. Try to be enthusiastic about it." The aging warden replied, Leland giving a sigh of defeat as Warden Sharp sat up with a satisfied smile.

"Very well, sir."

{}

By 2:45 in the afternoon, Joan Leland was sitting in a circle of metal chairs, exasperated beyond belief. Harley, who had been trying to ask what was wrong for forty minutes, had teamed up with an equally curious Edward for use of his detective skills in the matter. Adding to that was the random burst of Wonderland gibberish from Jervis, Jonathan absorbing himself in a book of unknown subject instead of the group therapy conversation, and some kind of mock-love spat between Harvey and Ivy. Finally, Dr. Leland cleared her throat while pinching the bridge of her nose.

She spoke in a calm voice "Harley, Edward, there isn't anything wrong. I just...have an announcement."

"Ooooo~" The blonde squealed in delight, sitting criss-cross in her chair as Edward raised an eyebrow.

"Do tell, Doctor. What ever enthralling news do you bring us from the powers above?" Ivy asked, willing to pause her argument with Harvey to shoot a bit of sarcasm.

"Curiouser." Jervis bleated with a sparkle in his eyes.

"This oughta be good." Harvey grumbled under his breath as he still glared at Ivy, Jonathan giving no response to anything other than the page he was turning.

Dr. Leland looked at all six inmates before taking a breath, beginning her announcement. "Well, Warden Sharp has been talking with the other doctors for new means of therapy.-"

"Aww crap, not this again!" Harley whined with a pout, Ivy giving a small chuckle of amusement at the blonde's antics while Edward gave a playful eye-roll.

Dr. Leland was not so amused, giving Harley a stern look before continuing "It's experimental, and will only be used among the six of you. The staff have reached an agreement that in order to prepare you for the outside world, you'll need a connection to it. In this case, the connection will be pen pals that you'll correspond every few days."

It should be kept in mind that Dr. Leland had envisioned several different scenarios on how the inmates would react, as being one of the only all-around tolerated doctors gave her the advantage of having the more honest personalities of the inmates shown to her. She had narrowed it to three overall reactions based on past experience; a multitude of questions on how the project would work, several sounds of annoyance for having to participate in yet another type of therapy, and a ridiculing of the staff for thinking this was a good idea. What she ended up with, to her surprise, was absolute silence.

She gazed among the six patients to watch their physical reactions and facial expressions to guess on their feelings, but all were sharing the same look that bordered so much between disbelief and wonder that she couldn't possibly tell which one they were feeling. Even Jonathan's eyes, which were just barely peeking out from behind the tome in his hands, glistened with an unreadable emotion that made Dr. Leland unsure if it should frighten her. This quiet tension went on for what felt like an hour, although it was more along the lines of two minutes, before a pig-tailed blonde broke it with a giddy squeal.

"Ya mean we get real mail and everything? Like, we send a letter, they send a letter, like they're talking with normal people?" She asked with her hands clasped together, her teeth whiter than balls of cotton through the large grin she gave.

Taking a moment to recognize she was being talked to, Dr. Leland gave a smile as she nodded her head once. "Yes, Harley. Our volunteer correspondents will write a letter to each of you. You'll have free reign on whatever you talk to them about, just as long as you give a bi-monthly report on how the experience is for you during group therapy. At the end of six months, the board of directors will look through the progress all of you make and decide if the project will continue."

Harley seemed to very much enjoy this idea if her grinning and giggling gave any indication, though the smile on Jervis's face showed she wasn't the only one who felt enthusiastic. The raise in Edward's eyebrow gave the impression that the idea intrigued him as well. Ivy rolled her eyes, but didn't give any kind of protest otherwise. A request for and flip of his coin later, Harvey gave a simple nod of his head to show he approved.

As she watched the guards take Harvey's coin back with some force, turned to the only person who hadn't responded and instead continued reading the book in his hands. She cleared her throat to get his attention, asking, "And your thoughts, Jonathan?"

"It's Doctor Crane, Joan. You of all people ought to know that, given your internship began during the investigation of my experiments." The middle-aged man began without looking up from his reading, continuing to talk as Dr. Leland gave him a somewhat annoyed look.

"And I frankly think that when you say 'the staff', you don't include yourself. I believe you're not on board with this method of therapy for the several dangers it possesses. So, it makes me wonder why you give us this false sense of enjoyment."

Dr. Leland adjusted her seating as she felt the eyes of her patients look upon her, replying with a small shrug, "I'll admit that I have my misgivings. However, I also have faith that you all will grow from this experience and be on your way to rehabilitation. And even in the case that it doesn't pan out as such, then the project will be put to a stop and we shall return to our usual means of therapy. It depends on all of you."

Jonathan looked at Leland straight in the face for several moment of silence, then gave a huff of amusement as he remarked, "If you say so."

"Alright, we have five minutes left. Why don't you talk among yourself about the project? The first letters should be arriving in two days." The light-skinned woman remarked with a smile, gathering her papers together as the rest of the room became abuzz with conversation. Jonathan stayed out of the talking by investing in his book, but even Harvey and Ivy were throwing a few tidbits into the conversation that was mainly controlled by the other three inmates.

_"That went better than expected. Let's hope something good comes out of all this."_ Leland mused in her mind, watching her patients chit-chat until the ringing of the clock signified it was time for the exercise yard.

* * *

**Sooner than the last submission, but I had hoped to get this done on Thanksgiving as a gift to embrace-your-inner-dork and Erin Nightshade. They're adorable as friends and they encouraged me to start this story in the first place.**

**Anyway, we've now reached the beginning of the project! Who's excited?!**

**Who's not?! *pause***

**You don't say? I'll see if I can change that~ **

**Now, some of you may wonder 'Girl, you'll have to write 12 letters every few chapters! How can you do that without making the chapter a book in itself?' **

**Well, that's simple- I'll be splitting all chapters that show letters into 2-3 parts, depending on how long each individual letter is.**

**And where I want to put cliffhangers. Hahaha**

**Anyway, have a good day, y'all!**


	4. CHAPTER 3: FIRSTS (PART 1)

**If you wish to see the next chapters before they're uploaded, visit my deviantart account TheBrainTeaser**

**All canon Batman characters/images belong to DC Comics**

**Beta-Read by Lady Black Mage AKA Yoruhoshi on Deviantart**

* * *

Harley, despite popular belief, could be very patient when she wanted to be. This wasn't one of those times where she wanted to.

One of the main reasons why this was the case was that due to her 'Puddin' serving a stint in solitary confinement, she wasn't able to tell him the good news that was her new therapy project. Along with that came the anticipation of the letter that was due to show up some time tonight, which she would then have to wait until morning to actually receive. Ivy got the worst of her complaints, though it didn't mean that others were immune to her whines. The pig-tailed blonde was a loud voice to begin with, so her complaining was much worse.

Not everyone could put all blame on her, however. Curiosity nagged at all of them. Jervis and Edward were caught discussing the topic over games of chess, Jonathan listening as he waited his turn to face the winner. He never spoke a word, but he seemed to take in everything being said. When she felt the blonde woman was getting too loud, Ivy would put in her own two cents so Harley could more calmly express her feelings about the whole thing. Even Harvey would give the occasional grumble when asked about his thoughts, though any further questioning would result in a death glare and threat of violence.

Seeing as it is rare for a secret outside of escape routes to remain hidden for long, the staff didn't try to keep the project a secret from the other inmates. They weren't openly discussing it, but doctors would give brief answers to questions asked before getting the therapy sessions back on the patients asking the question.

Harley seemed to calm down as the day continued, right up until dinner time when Jervis questioned when the letters would be arriving. This brought a groan of frustration from the blonde that was quickly followed by a rant of impatience incarnate that succeeded at giving half the room a headache.

The inmates were escorted to their cells with Harley being held in place by two guards, as she had tried to sneak out the cafeteria to see if the mail truck had arrived. It hadn't, but she had wanted to look anyway. As everyone was walked to their cells, one guard in particular was giving all of them a stern look.

The tall and muscular African American man had his arms crossed over his chest, which put his metal hand more into the light than when it had been at his side. The security guard turned to the woman next to him and gave a blunt remark.

"This is a new level of stupid and you know it. Who knows what kind of danger this can create?" The statement got a sigh out of the light-skinned woman next to him, who turned to him with a nod.

"I know, Aaron, but there's nothing I can do. Sharp won't let me get a word in edgewise and no one else seems to care. All we can do is wait and see." Joan Leland remarked, Chief of Security Aaron Cash giving a grunt in response.

_"Yeah, because __**that **__always leads to something good."_

* * *

**Short, but needed.**

**Alright, it's official. I will have the letters and the reactions in separate chapters so that I don't have several monster chapters all in a row. Of course, that means there will be several 'multi-part' chapters, but it's just easier that way.**

**Now, something I would like to remark on; Since I am combining not only canon universes, but OC head-canons, I can tell you RIGHT NOW that some of you will read later chapters and go '...Um, what?'. There will be reactions you might not otherwise expect and even a few relationships.**

**Are we clear? Awesome, see you next time and HAPPY HOLIDAYS~**


	5. CHAPTER 4: FIRSTS (PART 2)

**_For the record_, **_italics _**means the letter is hand-written,** **_bold italics _means the letter is typed.**

**All Batman characters belong to DC Comics**

**Batman created by Bob Kane (THANK YOU!)**

**Beta-Read by ****Lady Black Mage**

* * *

"They're_ trying_ to keep us crazy!" Harley argued in a loud voice, getting Carlotta to glance at the blonde from her place on the floor.

"Checkers, they want us out of here as quickly as possible. 'Keeping us crazy' would guarantee a longer stint. Pretty counter-intuitive, if you ask me." Carlotta replied while performing a variation of the push-up one might see in a workout DVD.

The blonde gave her 'friend-in-training' a glare at this, her blue eyes sparking with irritation as she remarked "Well, in case ya don't know, Chess, these docs said we were gonna get our letters in the morning. Now they say I gotta wait 'till aftah dinna! This is crap!"

Carlotta stood up and dusted her hands off while rolling her eyes, remarking offhandedly "I'd have to disagree. In a way, this is actually the doctors attempting to be smart."

This got the blonde's attention, so the brunette continued to speak while performing a few arm stretches.

"Say one of you guys get into a fight with your correspondent. And considering some of the people doing this, that's actually an inevitable situation. Nasty words are exchanged, and it's the first thing you all would have to look at in the morning. Your mood for the day goes sour, which makes the docs' jobs harder, and their stress gets taken out on everyone. Before you know it, it all spirals into a mess of dead bodies, debris, and bat-a-rangs."

After this explanation, all Carlotta was met with was a pout and a response of "Know-it-all."

"It's a gift, my dear." Carlotta went back to her workout and Harley turned her attention to the bolted-down balance beam, deciding that a workout of her own could help her relax.

{}

There was no friendship of any kind between Pamela Isley and Jervis Tetch; painting roses was a serious crime according to the redhead. Not to mention that being a human being already made one an enemy with Ms. Isley.

That's what made it so odd that when they passed each other on the way to their separate therapy sessions, they locked eyes and each gave a nod. The guards escorting each of them seemed surprised by this, making them want to make the two inmates walk faster to their doctors.

"What the hell's up with them?" A lean Hispanic guard asked his bulkier Caucasian friend after dropping off Jervis, who responded with a simple statement

"They're crazy."

{}

Dinner couldn't finish fast enough, at least according to Edward Nigma. Not that he was normally eager to finish his meal of dry beef and steamed carrots, though he was a fan of the vegetables, but he actually had something to look forward to.

He knew that the letter from his pen pal would be sitting on his bed when he got there; he had seen one of the security guards carrying a stack of mail and head over to the cell blocks when Edward was being escorted to the dining hall. While he couldn't see this project doing any good, his curiosity about what kind of person his pen pal is was enough to keep him interested.

His thoughts were interrupted as another tray of food met his table, the scarring on one hand making who it belonged to easy to figure out. Harvey and Edward greeted each other by last name as the former district attorney took the seat across from the genius.

While talking to Dent required careful treading, Edward didn't mind it. He liked the challenge. As such, he didn't mind having Harvey sit down and talk. So, he asked the other man "If I may ask Mr. Dent, what is your true opinion on this new project?"

"I'm waiting for it to be over, but it'll give me something to do. Harley and Tetch are the only ones I know that are actually excited about this." Harvey responded after a bite of beef, Edward chuckling before adding onto the conversation.

"I'm sure Jonathan will have a field day with this as well. Anyone who thinks they're brave enough to address him ought to be quite the mind to pick at."

"Christ, if he starts rambling off disorders, I'll suffocate him with his own mask." Harvey remarked while gripping his fork tightly, plunging its tips into the beef and shoveling the meat into his mouth. Edward wiped a piece of it that flew onto his hand against his napkin as he spoke.

"I've been meaning to ask. Our Thursday gathering is still on, yes? With you having more outbursts lately, I was beginning to worry that they might not let you come."

"Same as always." Harvey responded while eating, satisfying Edward's question while irking his disgust for eating with the mouth open.

{}

At 8:30pm, all of the inmates who were involved with the project had returned to their cells, Edward having to be held in therapy longer when a mention of Batman lead to him going on a rant about the hero's hypocrisy.

The sound of tearing paper could be heard from six cells that evening. By the end of the night, six sets of eyes would have read through six different introductions and reacted six different ways.

In fact, the only thing all the letters had in common was the note attached to their envelopes;

**None of what you are about to read is to be repeated to any person/group of people/plant/animal/mineral/object, imaginary or otherwise, other than your assigned psychiatrist. During your session, you are free to discuss any feelings you may have.**

**-Warden Quincy Sharp, Elizibeth Arkham Asylum for the Criminally Insane**

{}

"What a lovely colour." Jervis commented to himself after viewing the bright blue ink on his letter, a brief flash of Alice's dress coming from the back of his mind. Shaking the image away, he proceeded to read the incredibly neat cursive with a smile on his lips.

_Salutations, Mr. Tetch._

_ I'm hoping everything is going well for you. I can't imagine what it's like in there, surrounded by all those walls and bars. I certainly couldn't handle that._

_ Regardless, I'd like to introduce myself. Most folks I know call me Liz or Lizzie, but you can call me Elizabeth if you wish this to be formal. My favorite color is blue, and I've been told I have a wonderful smile. I'm here to offer you my support as you sit in that dreadful asylum. Everyone deserves a confidant and I am here to be your's._

_ I'm sorry I don't have more to say, but I was given instructions not to give too much about myself. Understandable but ridiculous if you ask me; how can they expect you to be honest with us if we cannot do the same?_

_Thank you for your time,_

_Liz Carroll_

{}

Edward chuckled in amusement as he opened his letter, figuring that his new 'friend' thought they could hide their identity behind a letter typed in pink. _'The way one speaks, in voice or keys, can give everything about them away.'_ He mused in thought, his eyes turned slightly down in order to read the first of his messages.

**_Greetings to you, Mr. Riddler._**

**_ So, this is what it's come to? The doctors are too busy replacing each other to be your therapist, so they're making us do it for them? No wonder you people keep escaping from there; it must have crap seeping from every crack in the place._**

**_ I know it's a bad joke, but I don't care. I made it, it's there, and I probably will never regret it. Let's move on._**

**_ Hi there. The B.S running this is prohibiting me from using my full first name, so you'll just have to call me D. I'm also being kept from telling anything about myself other than trivial things you probably don't want to hear. On the off chance you do, just ask, because I don't know what else I'm supposed to do here. This is pretty unorganized._**

**_Have fun in the loony bin,_**

**_D. Miller_**

{}

The first thing Ivy noticed about the letter was its looping and elegant cursive, seeming to be written by a black felt pen. She might have mistaken it for a woman's handwriting if it wasn't for how compact it was. It wouldn't have mattered to her; man or woman, no one was safe from her power. Regardless, she knew it would serve her to actually read the letter so she knew what manner of flirtation it would take to manipulate this person into her power.

_Good day, fair maiden._

_ I trust all is as well as it can be in such a dreary place. Gotham is not much better than Hell in it of itself, but I'm sure Demeter is watching over you with a certain tenderness._

_ My given name is Amenaten, and I am here to be your guide through your bout against mental demons. I shall try to do my best at it, Lord help me. How I'll manage to do so when this brutes won't even let me tell you the basics about me, only time can tell. But, I digress. Feel free to ask me anything you like and I shall try my best to answer._

_ I would hate to make an assumption, so I would rather you tell me for yourself; How are you, madam Isley? May I call you that?_

_I wish you well,_

_Amenaten_

{}

Seeing as his fear toxin wasn't on hand, Jonathan was almost titillated to make someone feel fear in another way. He had been spending the past few days in the solitary confinement wing of Arkham, after causing yet another guard to have a mental breakdown. He had just gotten back to his normal cell, and he immediately saw the envelope sitting on his cot. Grabbing it and sitting at his desk, he opened the letter only to find the entire letter in print, other than the signature of someone's first initial and surname. Intrigued, he began to read by the light of the hallway.

**_Dear Sir,_**

**_ I would first like to apologize for the vagueness of my greeting, but I wouldn't want to call you something I have no place to. If there is a title you would like me to address you with, please let me know in your response._**

**_ Additionally, the rather gruff folks running this program will not allow me to give you much about myself, only that I am called Ms. Bones and I am here to support your recovery. I'm willing to do so, don't get me wrong, but I think this is a rather ineffective way of doing it. They are the professionals; what could normal folk such as myself do that they can't?_**

**_Sincerely,_**

_Ms. M. Bones_

{}

Two-Face was not a fan of legal documents, given he used to have a position of great power. It was this resentment that made him almost tear his letter in half upon viewing, as the neat black print reminded him of memos he would often get about cases. He managed to control himself when he remembered the actual purpose of the document in his hands. _'They're just typing because they don't feel safe. That means I'm doing my job.'_ Harvey thought to himself as he began to skim the typed letter.

**_To whom it may concern,_**

**_ I am addressing this letter to one Harvey Dent, alias Two-Face. This is a letter of support from an alias given to me by the staff members at Arkham Asylum. You may refer to me as Binary, as the doctors have instructed me not to give my actual given name._**

**_ I would like to also remark that I will be your outlet for stress as best I can, this project prohibiting me from divulging personal information. If you have any questions for me, I will answer to the best of my ability and try my hardest to help you on the path to sanity._**

**_Best of wishes,_**

**_Binary_**

{}

Someone needs to work on their handwriting." Harley joked to herself with a giggle, looking over the penciled letter that she could already see was sloppily written. It was also quite short, something that worried her a bit. _'Oh jeez, they gave me a boring one, didn't they?'_ She questioned herself, as such a short letter might mean that her pen pal didn't have much to talk about. She began to read this for confirmation, hoping for the best.

_Dear Quinn,_

_ Let's face it, this is total bullshit. All this dumb-ass project is going to do is tick some of you people off and you'll end up taking it out on the rest of us. It's the truth, so don't act like it's not; I know you're not stupid._

_E.C.R_

* * *

**I wrote all these separately, and what came to my mind was 'I HAVE to end it on E.C.R's or else it doesn't work' XD**

**We finally got to the letters! It took five whole chapters, and a long hiatus just to get the one right after prologue, but we did it! And I have to say, I'm satisfied yet not. Yes because I feel like I got the attitude each OC would put into their letters, but no because now I want to go onto the next batch already~**

**So, the reactions to all these will be next chapter, along with the official appearance of the next two OCs. Not saying which, because that would be no fun~**

**Happy Earth Day, folks.**

**All letters written by TheBrainTeaser at deviantart**

**Carlotta Levair/Brain Teaser belongs to TheBrainTeaser at deviantart**


	6. CHAPTER 5: FIRSTS (PART 3)

**All Batman characters belong to DC Comics**

**Batman created by Bob Kane (THANK YOU!)**

**Beta-Read by ****Lady Black Mage**

* * *

"What. The actual. Hell?!" Harley called out with shock in her voice, the pigtailed woman clearly agitated by the letter's content. She had been looking forward to this letter since she first heard about the project. She had been excited about having someone outside of her crowd to talk to. What did she end up getting?

"A real jerk! And potty mouthed, too!" The blonde cried out, pouting soon after as she rolled the paper into a ball and threw it across the room.

"Should have know this was a bust." She added while leaning against the backboard of her bed, arms crossed and hopes disappointed.

{}

The sound of ripping paper once again came from Harvey's cell, as he was turning his letter into the tiniest confetti pieces imaginable. Needless to say from the way he did this while pacing the floor, the more violent side of him wasn't happy with what he'd just read.

"The fuck does this broad think she is, talking to us like that?" Two-Face growled while bits of paper fell at his feet. He continued at this long enough for the pieces to become smaller than his remaining pinkie nail, Harvey taking back control while inhaling a deep breath.

"I'm sure she didn't mean it. She's just trying to keep this professional."

"Professional? Ya call being named _Binary_ professional? Face it, Dent. These people are fucking with us" Two-Face growled into the reflective glass of his cell door's tiny window. He remained like this with his hand twitching, the man itching to have 'his' coin back.

{}

Jonathan read his letter in silence and with absolute indifference, his only reaction being a brief eyebrow raise from realizing his 'respondent' was a woman. He didn't find it too surprising the Arkham staff would do something this redundant. He figured the staff would have someone of a completely different mindset than Jonathan writing letters to him, thus defeating the purpose of giving him someone to relate to. However, it wasn't to say he didn't find what he read useful. It gave him a few things to label to the writer.

"Manners seem to be a priority. Trying to rationalize this project shows she isn't afraid to question things. Print with a signature, might have a profession that involves letter writing." He muttered to himself, placing the letter on his bolted down nightstand before grabbing his enormous volume of Edgar Allan Poe's works that he took from the library. He would end up reading it throughout most of the night, getting a little over three hours of sleep. So, the usual, really.

{}

The vocabulary of the letter was strange to Ivy. Not that it was unwelcome language; being called 'madame' and having someone hop for the mother of plant life to bless her were compliments she could get used to. It was the fact that there were so many references to mythology that had her curious. One would think that, given Ivy's god-like way of addressing herself, they wouldn't give her a pen pal that used such fantastic language.

"Religious?" She wondered in a quiet voice, yawning as she looked over the letter again. All the name drops of gods made her think this, but the fact they were all from different religions had her pondering.

"This might not be such a waste after all." She muttered, a small smirk appearing on her plump lips.

{}

Edward let out a very brief chuckle upon finishing his reading, the man leaning against his headboard while grinning.

"Well, she's certainly taken this project in humor. Bad humor, but she seems to enjoy it" He commented to himself while kicking off his asylum-issued slippers, folding the letter up and marking '1' on it with the green pen he kept in his nightstand. He then placed the letter between his bed-frame and the mattress, wanting to keep it away from prying eyes.

"It'll be a shame to see her fail. Sounds like a sweet woman." He stated to himself, chuckling a bit darkly as he prepared to go to sleep.

{}

"Ms. Carroll. Oh, this is too wonderful!" Jervis remarked in delight, clapping to himself from how much he enjoyed the letter. Not only did his correspondent seem friendly, but her name alone gave him a sense of familiarity.

"Finally, someone I can talk with of many things." He chuckled with glee, though it slowed to a stop when he looked over at a collage of pictures taped to the wall his bed was pushed against. The newest showed Jervis with his arms wrapped around a redheaded woman, both of them smiling brightly while wearing matching Christmas sweaters. Jervis smiled at it fondly, tracing his finger along the face of the woman.

"At least, until I can see you again, my Queen." He whispered softly.

{}

The Iceberg Lounge was in full swing that evening, high class patrons paying exuberant amounts of cash to a 'former' rogue for a meal and entertainment. While both usually came out as sublime, some might look at the exchange with wariness. One of the cautious was sitting in the establishment, leaning back on the bar.

She was a woman of fair skin and bright blue eyes, both of which went well with her head of wave-like black hair that rested past her buttocks. The lilac shade of her shirt was faint to the point of being white, a pair of leggings matching perfectly from beneath a midnight blue skirt. The tan shade of her knee-high boots completed the outfit nicely, giving her a casual elegance as her legs crossed.

Gotham's 'nightlife' knew this woman as Phantom, but tonight, she was simply Stephanie Ward.

As of now, she had checked her watch four times since 8:05pm, the time now reading 9:15. In that seventy minute time period, she savored a Piña Colada served by her favorite bartender and had managed to hold back the urge to knock two tipsy men upside their heads for their rambunctious argument over how had the 'more attractive' mistress.

"Real good at keeping your customers in check, Ozzie. He's not doing anything to stop those morons" Stephanie muttered to May, who simply let out a laugh before speaking

"Oh, that's what he has people like me for. He's willing to allow loud talk if you're paying right." Trick Deck stated while picking up Stephanie's empty glass.

"But even the loudest of men can only endure so much noise, my dears." Another feminine voice spoke, dragging Stephanie away from the blonde in order to spot her incoming companion.

The woman's aqua blue eyes were lit by the lights overhead, her fingers lightly playing with the knee-length skirt of her royal blue dress that had a band around the waist. A brown handbag was held by her other hand as it swung back and forth. Seeing her friend made Stephanie smile, May butting in to ask the newcomer if she wanted anything to drink.

"Red wine, if you'd please" Came the reply, May walking off to complete the request. Stephanie thought of a joke to greet the redhead with in the meantime.

"You're late late late for a very important date, Knightly. What kept you away?" Stephanie asked the approaching redhead, getting a tired smile in return.

"Business, business, business. Oh, and I somehow managed to lose a shoe in the process of getting ready." Came the reply of Erin Knightly as she gestured to the black flats matching the headband resting neatly in her locks. She took a seat next to Stephanie while setting her bag down on the counter.

"Exactly why I'd hoped you'd come. You need a break from all this, you're wearing yourself thin." Stephanie stated, a bit of a concerned look as she noticed a smudge of non-blended concealer just under Erin's left eye. This was unusual, given the redhead's proclivity for neatness, so it worried Stephanie that much more.

"I know, but I can't help how things are. It's wonderful that I've been getting more business; that new blend I made has really kicked things into high gear. It's just that-."

"You don't have as much free time as you're used to." Stephanie finished a bit curtly, surprising the meeker woman a bit. 'Free time', in this case, wasn't referring to where Erin could sit down and relax, oh no. The term was a code name for Erin's bimonthly bus ride to Arkham Asylum in order to visit her long-time boyfriend, Jervis Tetch.

Don't get Stephanie wrong; Jervis was a sweetheart to Erin and the two were one of the happiest couples she had ever come across. However, it didn't excuse the fact that 'The Mad Hatter' was a dangerous man if left unchecked, murderous in worst case scenarios. Erin was even his partner-in-crime at one point, one that got off lucky in her punishment upon getting caught. Erin was made to pay her victims' hospital bills and go to five months of counseling, the fact that no one had died being the saving grace from jail time. As such, while Stephanie was supportive of Erin as a friend, she was a bit iffy whenever the subject of her dating the criminal came around.

"It can't be helped that I'm simply a woman with a vision in my head." Erin proclaimed, Stephanie playing with her fingers as the redhead continued.

"A vision of a life where I'm not separated from my love by bulletproof glass. Where there is no giant Bat hurting the sweetest man alive. Where The Mad Tea Shop is run by the Tetch family in all its glory. Oh, how wondrous it will be." Erin continued in a dreamy tone, her eyes drifting to the ceiling until May speaking up brought both women out of their conversation.

"Wondrous? You're really that much of a cheeseball, Red?" May asked with a raised eyebrow, chuckling alongside Erin while Stephanie allowed a small smirk to come onto her lips.

"Alright alright, I suppose that was a little corny of me." Erin admitted while talking the drink from the blonde bartender, sipping the wine with a smile on her lips.

"Anything else for my favorite ladies?" May asked, getting a head shake from both women.

"Oh yeah, forgot you two were lightweights." The blonde teased, leaving the women be as Erin giggled and Stephanie rolled her eyes in a good-natured way. The redhead's attention was then brought back to her friend

"Look, Erin, you're free to do whatever you want. Just, please be careful, alright?"

"Of course."

* * *

**Yes, Erin and Stephanie share a similar opening dialogue as Jerivs and Eddie. Why? Because anyone who ships JErin knows they're that perfect for each other. Also, they're friends, so Steph would probably make a joke taken from Jervis's book.**

**I would like to thank Beta-Mama Lady Black Mage AKA Yoruhoshi on deviantart once again for all her hard work. Thank you, oh ruler of Ramsey.~**

**Erin Knightly- Erin Nightshade AKA Little-Red-XOXO on deviantart**

**Stephanie Ward/Phantom- IamWatchingYouo-o on deviantart (...Took me a bit to realize how punny that sounds XD)**

**May Markowitz/Trick Deck- embrace-your-inner-dork AKA the-dragon-childe on deviantart**


	7. CHAPTER 6: MISUNDERSTANDINGS

**If you wish to see the next chapters before they're uploaded, visit my deviantart account TheBrainTeaser**

**All canon Batman characters/images belong to DC Comic**

**Beta-Read by Lady Black Mage AKA Yoruhoshi on Deviantart**

* * *

The morning had started out with less noise than Dr. Leland had expected.

Arkham inhabitants, at least the majority of them, were known to have loud outbursts no matter what mood they felt. Be it ecstasy or exasperation, they were never subtle about their moods unless the more cunning of them were trying to play their mind games. Ergo, to walk through the hallways and see almost every inmate involved with the project holding some form of smile on their lips surprised her immensely

That 'almost' should be kept in mind, however, due to the scene going on in the exercise yard.

{}

Very few people were brave enough to approach an angry Harley Quinn, especially when Joker was around. However, he wasn't, so it was up to Poison Ivy to comfort her only human friend.

"I take it your correspondent didn't live up to your expectations. " Spoke the redhead, the blonde giving a huff before turning her gaze away.

Ivy rolled her eyes at the action, stating out loud "Harley, just you didn't get the response you wanted doesn't mean you need to pout for the rest of the day. Gotham as a whole is not a big fan of us, so of course someone is going to take this opportunity to let their anger out at us."

Harley didn't look up while grumbling a 'Says you', making Ivy deadpan in annoyance.

"Oh, Checkers~" Came a sing-song voice behind the blonde, Harley not turning to face the approaching Carlotta with a grumble. Ivy spoke up for her.

"She's really not in the mood for your nonsense, Levair. Come bac-"

"Don't care. This is for her. See you at dinner. Bye!~" Carlotta remarked in quick succession while tossing an envelope onto Harley's lap and taking off in the direction she came in. The sound of an exasperated Dr. Leland calling out Carlotta's name revealed that the brunette had escaped the woman's care to deliver the (most likely stolen) letter to the blonde in pigtails. Ivy shook her head at this, deciding to remark on the situation.

"That woman is quickly sinking to your level of maturity." Harley was ignoring the statement in favor of opening the envelope that had been given to her. Within two seconds, whatever she was looking at caused her to frown more than she had been a few moments before.

"It's the potty mouth. So, he sent me more of his crap, huh? Thinks he can dump all his shit on me. Why I oughta-"

"Will you just read it already?" The redhead stated calmly, Harley grumbling to herself as she began reading the letter out loud.

_Hey. Don't know if this will get to ya at the same time my letter does or not, so let's just pretend it didn't._

_Look, I'm sorry for sounding like a jerk. There's a lot of shit going on in my neck of the woods and I pretty much took it out on you because, well, I did. Considering your sitch, you've probably got something crappy going on too, so I really shouldn't have snapped at ya_

_Sorry,_  
_E.C.R_

Ivy watched her friend stare at the piece of paper for several minutes, the redhead doing a mental countdown until...

"Aw, what'a sweetie.~ He didn't have to do that for little ole me." Harley cooed, folding the paper up and putting it in her jumpsuit pocket

The redhead then invited her blonde friend to sit under one of the shadier trees in the yard while they watched the sky, the blonde back to her cheery self.

{}

Back inside, the only other inmate who was close to Harley's level of anger (which he would have been on any old day) was tapping his scarred fingers along his knee-cap, his eyes facing at the ceiling of the therapy room he was in. Dr. Whistler, the woman currently handling his case, adjusted the glasses on her wrinkled face before clearing her throat.

"Mr. Dent , you have been silent for ten minutes. Is something bothering you?" The slightly-accented voice of the older woman seemed to break Harvey out of his trance, if only so he could turn his gaze onto her.

"You call breathing silent, doc?" Harvey asked with his eyes narrowing, though this didn't phase the woman as she responded.

"I mean you haven't been speaking since this interview started. You are usually much more reactive to being talked to. I was beginning to wonder if something was on your mind."

Harvey remained silent for another few minutes, returning his gaze to the ceiling as he took in a very large breath and released it through his nose

"There's always something on my mind. Tends to happen when two people are in it, right?" He stated without looking at Dr. Whistler.

The woman wrote something down while speaking, her voice monotone as she remarked "Well, I don't see how staring at the ceiling is going to help you sort out those thoughts. It cannot talk to you nor read your mind."

"There's something you two have in common." Came the rebuff, the man chuckled to himself while his psychiatrist was not so amused.

What Dr. Whistler wasn't aware of was that Harvey hadn't been staring_ at_ the ceiling, but passed it. He was envisioning that he could see past a few floors above him, and then turn his gaze to look down at a pair of differently colored eyes on a face that mirrored his own.

{}

"Ms. Carroll? They're claiming this to be a project meant to cure us, and they give you someone with a pseudonym like _that_?" Edward asked Jervis while capturing a pawn from the rec room chessboard, the later grinning in absolute delight despite this. The three weren't suppossed to be discussing the project, especially so openly, but when did anyone ever listen to the commands of Quincy Sharp? As such, they continued their conversation while playing their usual games.

"I believe that is one of those misgivings Joan was speaking of." Jonathan commented while reading a large book, waiting for the game to end so he could play.  
Edward raised an eyebrow before making a comment that caused Jonathan to glare menacingly

"Oh goodness, Jonathan, when were you going to tell us you had renamed yourself Captain Obvious?"

"Keep in mind, the woman who wrote to me stated her given surname was Bones. Equally as much of a trigger as Jervis's." The former psychiatrist hissed under his breath.

The blonde male chuckled while patting Jonathan's shoulder, teasing "Oh, pish posh, March, Caterpillar is only having a bit of fun. Besides, from what I heard last night, his own letter was quite amusing."

The younger brunette man grinned, replying "I wouldn't say 'quite', but I'll admit to getting a kick out of Ms. Miller's writings. And frankly, I believe she got a kick out of writing it. Very blunt young woman."

"Says the man who doesn't know that it's time to shut his mouth when there is a pistol pointed at his temple." Jonathan remarked, getting a pout from Edward and a chuckle from Jervis.

Another laugh joined Jervis's, but it was much higher in pitch and was coming from the hallway behind the men. Turning around, all three witnessed a long brunette ponytail whipping in the wind from how fast it's female owner was running, her hand clutching something tightly. It must have been important, for Dr. Leland and three guards were yelling for her to return it as they pursued her.

"Ms. Levair, return that envelope this instant!" Joan yelled, following after the guards as they readied their tranquilizer pistols.

Blinking at the sight, Jervis shared a look with Jonathan before they both turned to face Edward. The corner of the older man's lip quirked, as did Jervis's, but Edward looked at them with narrowed eyes.

"Is there a problem, gentlemen?" The brunette asked, the other two men sharing another look before the Mad Hatter spoke with a twinge of amusement in his voice.

"Oh, certainly not, Caterpillar. In fact, I believe March and I are rather amused by the attitude of your admirer. She matches you in level of mischievous spirit."

Edward glared with a pout, "That _thing_ does not match my level of anything."

"Except maturity." Jervis retorted, getting a stifled laugh out of the ex-professor and a grumble of 'Your move, Tetch' from a pouting E. Nigma.

* * *

**Oh dear lord, it is way too fun to write for Carlotta; She's like a more evil, older me. **

**Speaking of older, I'M OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL! ****WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**

**Carlotta Levair belongs to PumpkinPrincessJac AKA TheBrainTeaser on deviantart**


	8. CHAPTER 7: HA HA HA

**If you wish to see the next chapters before they're uploaded, visit my deviantart account TheBrainTeaser (though to be honest, there's nothing new up just yet. Explanation in the end note)**

**All canon Batman characters/images belong to DC Comics**

**Beta-Read by Lady Black Mage AKA Yoruhoshi on Deviantart**

* * *

It didn't matter what else happened in that 24 hour period, the staff member who had to interview Joker was automatically the one having the worst day.

He was the most unstable, unpredictable, and (arguably) sadistic being to walk into the city limits of Gotham. Everyone knew it, just as well as they knew that they could be assigned as his psychologist at any moment. That moment was usually right after he killed his last one. As such, when a custodian found 's corpse stuffed in a washing machine with a pair of boxers shoved in his mouth, he was given a new victim. A victim by the name of Dr. Robert Bartholomew.

The sandy-haired gentleman was sitting across from the straitjacketed and ankle-restrained clown, collecting his papers into a neat pile. Dr. Bartholomew wiped some sweat off his brow as he glanced up at Joker, who was casually leaning on the therapy couch with his feet kicking back and forth.

The green-haired man rose an eyebrow at the other man, asking the doctor "Aren't you supposed to get nervous _after_ I start answering questions?"

Unlike the now chuckling clown, Dr. Bartholomew was not amused by the statement, so he cleared his throat while speaking. "Mr. Joker, this is no time for teasing any one. I'm just hear to ask some questions. I'm sure you know by now how the first session goes."

Joker shook his head "Nope."

"No?"

"You have to understand, Doc. When you've been to as many 'first sessions' as I have, there's a lot of different ways they can go. Some cut right to the chase, others brush the surface, some do a bit of both. Ol' Doctor Nic did a lot of 'beating around the bush'. I really hate those kinds of people, but I felt a connection with him." Joker replied with a puppy-dog pout

became intrigued, asking "Did you really?"

"Yep. Nothing like the sound of fist meeting ribs to make you like a guy!" As Joker burst into rambunctious laughter, Dr. Bartholomew grit his teeth while writing some more notes, annoyed but keeping it in. The white-skinned man calmed down enough to speak soon after, his grin wide as a sparkle came to his eye

"You are a hoot, Doc! I usually have them yelling for me to shut up at this point, and here you are just grumbling! I think I might keep you around for a while."

Bartholomew pinched the bridge of his nose while nodding, telling Joker "I'll certainly keep coming here to help."

"Well, I think it's about that time to say goodbye. See you next week!" Joker stated upon viewing two figures standing outside the door, which opened to reveal two security guards. Each burly man took Joker to his feet and strapped him down in an upright gurney. The clown was wheeled away while loudly whistling, shaking his head to the tune with his limited movement.

Dr. Bartholomew waited until he could no longer hear the footsteps of the guards before face-planting on his desk, screaming into his arms out of frustration.

* * *

**Because it is no true Batman story without at least a mention/allusion to Joker. It only took me SEVEN freaking chapters, Holy Procrastination. Oh well, at least he gets a whole chapter to himself, even if it is a short one.**

**So, I actually start my freshman year at college this Monday. As such, I will not be able to write/upload chapters as often as I would like.**

**However, I'm very excited to get the coming chapter out, so I will push myself a bit. Why? THE INMATES ARE GOING TO BE WRITING THEIR FIRST LETTERS! *squeal***


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